I'll die for you, just let me love you
by Aurora Apocolypta
Summary: Linking dreams and a future worth seeing. Durin a hunt Merlin risks his life once again to protect Arthur, but there is a catch. Not only is he physicaly damaged but so is he emotionaly. Can Arthur realise his feelings before its too late?
1. Dreams of nightmares

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

This chapter is set a year after but here's the twist.

All deaths have been erased. Enjoy.

_Damn that royal prat, may he eat rotten tomatoes. _Merlin thought as he sulked away towards the laundry room to pick up his "masters" clothes.

It was still early about 6am but he decided to get a head star since he couldn't sleep after being awoken by a persistent and terribly ghastly nightmare.

His pallid skin shone from the colourless flood of ghostly beams from the moon, his beaming blue eyes seeming sincere as he shuffled through the partly open door and into the room.

Seeing the familiar female friend of his in the room Merlin grinned at Gwen.

"Hi…how are you? I heard lady Morgana is going for a trip soon…are you going with her?" he asked while he looked around the room for the clothing.

The said female looked up from the long silk gown she held in her open palms and sighed gently.

"Yes…I am and I'm quite looking forward to it. If your looking for the princes clothes they have already been taken up Merlin" flipping her brown locks behind her shoulder she watched her friend nod a goodbye and scamper off, barely staying balanced as he tripped on a stray towel.

He decided he was unintentionally running through his dream to the point where he could recite it perfectly mentally.

It hurt to think that even one year later Merlin and the pure-blooded prat had only become barely friends.

Exchanging comforting silence and friendly gestures, but happy as Merlin was with his current position he couldn't help but want more.

Walking up what seemed like endless stairs he crept across to Arthur's bedroom and silently crept in.

Even is the sinister depth of the room he could see the figure toss and turn is his slumber, the moons rays casting a gentle frame of gold around his visible handsome face (noted by Merlin that it did in fact look like it was sculpted by angels) and his long slender yet visibly muscle toned leg.

Tentatively Merlin sat on a red velvet chair in the corner, looking across to his master with a stare of endearment.

_What does he think of me? An embarrassment? Or maybe a faithful friend? _

"Merlin…don't do it, you idiot don't die for me" Arthur's faint dream coated mumbles didn't go unnoticed by Merlin, it sounded like something he'd do for him.

_I'll live for you, die for you. Don't expect me to sit back and watch you die…my life wouldn't change anything as much as yours would. Your spirit is priceless we need you so don't do anything clumsy…you brilliant prat_

Looking back when they first met they hadn't changed at all physically besides Arthur got stronger and Merlin isn't _quite _as clumsy.

The way Arthur mumbled made Merlin think, could he be having the same dream as he had had for the past month or so.

He couldn't stop himself as his legs moved on their own accord until he was knelt next to the heirs' large bed, his forehead resting on the side. Watching his gorgeous face contort to form a painful desperate scowl and finally Merlin did the only thing he could think of.

"Arthur…Sire…wake up" shaking his shoulders but keeping a gentle get firm hold on him as he jumped awake.

Panting, his dark sapphire cast into a shadow with light red rings around them showing he must have began to cry at some point…being as honouring as he was Merlin didn't mention it.

"How are you feeling sire? You seemed to be struggling with breathing and I got worried" he improvised

Still silently panicked Arthur answered…

"Merlin…"

"Yes sire?"

"Don't forget to polish my armour" he grinned passively.

There was a comfortable silence as they stared each other down, as Merlin was about to open the door he smiled, one that almost reached his eyes.

"Prat"

Please comment


	2. Hypnosis

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

"Arthur…Sire…wake up" shaking his shoulders but keeping a gentle get firm hold on him as he jumped awake.

Panting, his dark sapphire cast into a shadow with light red rings around them showing he must have began to cry at some point…being as honouring as he was Merlin didn't mention it.

"How are you feeling sire? You seemed to be struggling with breathing and I got worried" he improvised

Still silently panicked Arthur answered…

"Merlin…"

"Yes sire?"

"Don't forget to polish my armour" he grinned passively.

There was a comfortable silence as they stared each other down, as Merlin was about to open the door he smiled, one that almost reached his eyes.

"Prat"

All Merlin could think about was his masters' face as he slept, the pain-filled need as he struggled with his mind.

Walking rather curiously around the shining corridors Merlin was looking for his main source of information; finding her for the second time that day talking to one of the maids who was for some reason crying, painfully hard at that.

He cautiously walked up behind Gwen and tapped her shoulder solemnly before turning to the other female.

"Are you alright?"

"She's crying…no she isn't alright Merlin. One of the knights did _something _inappropriate to her this morning" She said gently, wrapping a slender arm around the shaking shoulder.

Feeling rage burn at the pit of his stomach he bit his tongue, tasting bitter iron in his throat he stopped and choked out.

"W-Who was it Miss? I wont report it if you don't me to"

"S…sir Lancelot; he looked ill though" The rather short maid said. She looked in her late twenties maybe early thirties with shoulder length golden hair.

Merlin swallowed his rage for the time being and focused on settling the poor woman, socialising was in fact one of his best skills and he was rather good at understanding people as he had been through a lot through his life.

It hurt to think about it so he shook it off and gently rubbed her shoulder.

"Please get some rest…Gwen I'll go see a certain clot-pole about this" With a simple nod goodbye he stalked off, and defiantly not to find Arthur.

He somehow noticed the soundless drift of his feet on the marble and the aching in his palm where he was clenching and unclenching his fist.

"That no good, too faced piece of horse manure. That poor woman I hope she sees him and ugh" Disgusted he hadn't noticed he had walked into a baron corridor with the one person he didn't want to be alone with, nor see.

"Well, well, well what have I got here? A lost puppy looking for some attention?" A dark husky voice alarmed Merlin to the point he fell against the cold stone wall.

"No attention needed sir…but an explanation is" he hissed with a dagger stare.

It was rather dark in the corridor and worse of all that no-one would be around.

"W…What about? If it's about that night with Prince Arthur I promise I started it…"

Wonder confused poor Merlin but he held his self.

"You attacked one of the maids"

"Ah…well about that" he rubbed the back of his neck oddly,

"I was trying to get you to come for me…I need to pass this message onto you"

Moonlight seeped through a crack in the wall and showed the unnaturally dark grey rings around Lancelot's dark almost black eyes.

Merlin stood silent as he watched the knight shift comfortably on the stop only an inch away from where he stood as tall as he could (Lancelot was stood on his feet so he couldn't run away which was damn painful)

"One of these days your faithfulness will earn you a one-way ticket to death and your precious prince will watch you die helplessly, ruby stained dagger pierce your flesh and heartache killing your soul" Gently caressing Merlin's milky cheek he ran it lower down his torso.

Then realisation hit Merlin the same time as Lance's hand ran over his crotch…

Hypnosis…

Please comment


	3. Testing of patience and faith

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

"One of these days your faithfulness will earn you a one-way ticket to death and your precious prince will watch you die helplessly, ruby stained dagger pierce your flesh and heartache killing your soul" Gently caressing Merlin's milky cheek he ran it lower down his torso.

Then realisation hit Merlin the same time as Lance's hand ran over his crotch…

Hypnosis…

"Merlin?" Shocked, Merlin quickly glanced to the other knight and his eyes shone golden when he whispered words of a spell to the knight and he looked up to see Arthur's handsome face, etched with concern.

"I leave you for ONE damn minuet and you get yourself into trouble and almost taken advantage of…honestly, Merlin" Arthur sighed angrily as dismay laced his voice.

"You…Sir Lancelot, outside in the fighting field; we'll sort this out like men" Arthur threatened…Merlin could sense the guilt follow Lance as he bowed slightly and walked away to get ready.

"It wasn't the first time that has happened to me gees…in fact that was nothing. Don't do something stupid just make him make up to that maid and get it over with. An hour in the stocks will do, just don't hurt him because you pack a damn painful swing" Merlin warned, his usual dopey grin was replaced by a stern and almost pitying look.

Swinging round elegantly Arthur glared at Merlin to the point where he backed up against the wall again.

"I haven't heard anything about a maid, Merlin…that will just add onto how hard I go on him. The fact he tried to do THAT to YOU is disgusting, untrustworthy and just typically unforgivable…I regret not saying this to his face. You are mine and no-one else is to touch you especially like that…you are fragile and I wont let this happen to you ever again. I promise…I guess you'd better come with me. I need to see you as I make him repent and…I want to see my reason for killing such a noble knight"

He remarked…no sarcasm or hatred or anger just pity and regret!

Merlin was indeed taken aback by such noble words; his dark hair caressed his gently colouring cheeks with a light wisp.

The heads of maids bowed low as Merlin and Arthur walked out to the field, Arthur covered in his shielding armour.

"Don't do this…sire…please don't honestly nothing happened just let him go" the prince's manservant pleaded quietly fiddling with his crimson neckerchief while he strode to keep up with his master who seemed officially agitated.

There were several other knights around Lancelot who were patting his back but immediately dispersed with bows when they saw the Prince stride powerfully over to them.

"Get back to work everyone, this is a private matter and will be addressed as such" Arthur barked which was complied to with much muttering and questions directed at several people who chose to stay behind for a minuet.

"I want an explanation, why did you touch my servant in such a way and also do it to a maid?"

"I didn't know he was a favourite of yours sire as for the maid she coaxed me saying I should show her my muscle and she took it the wrong way when I grabbed her shirt. I can assure you I did it because there was a certain male who was looking for her for harm. I did it to protect" the tall silver clothed male assured.

Rage was now evident not only on Arthur's face but also in his body as he trembled.

"So if he wasn't so close to me you would have finished your task? Gone about with your dirty trait and then leave him? I swear **this **sword will be the one to end your worthless view.

"Arthur! You do that and I will never forgive either of you" Merlin cried out in anguish, eyes gleaming with the cast that the almost complete moon cast.

With an alarmed look Arthur turned to stare him directly in his dark eyes, a pain filled half-smile crept onto his face.

"That's what I like about you, Merlin; you forgive so easily as long as no-one gets hurt. You're so loyal and discreet with how you treat people…maybe…"

Turning back to Lancelot Arthur sighed groggily yet held his toll controlling posture.

"You are to set up two horses for myself and Merlin, a lunch for the day and for tomorrow you are to do the chores that Arthur usually does. Afterwards you will be let off with a caution but if you do ANYTHING of the sort again to him…" He did the half mocking grin that made Merlin both grin and want to punch his perfect teeth into his perfect (yet empty from lack of brain) skull.

"Yes sire" he bowed and hurried away.

Although Merlin couldn't see the other males' face he could tell he was fighting the urge to turn around and possibly punch him or yell at him for letting him not even lay a small wound upon 'the betrayers" skin.

"I got lost in wanting to hurt him for you…I should have remembered what kind of person you are, Merlin…stupid"

Grinning softly Arthur glanced over his shoulder, nodding slightly at the sight of Merlin sweaty and trembling from concern.

"Let's go to bed…run me a bath and get me my robe. We'll turn in early because we have to leave early for our hunting trip tomorrow"

Merlin was suddenly so tired after getting back to Arthur's washroom he didn't even bother to use magic to heat up the water while Arthur was out for five minuets. He slid the robe onto a heating rack so they would be warm when Arthur put them on and went immediately went to bed.

Gaius was amazingly awake and reading through a magic book, a star on the old leather cover had gold on the tips and a red centre.

"Going to bed…goodnight" Merlin yawned and slipped into his room before he could hear Gaius call out to him  
"goodnight, Merlin"

I'm sorry if my grammar is bad again ^_^ hope you enjoyed

Please comment


	4. Past that hurts and morning light

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

"Let's go to bed…run me a bath and get me my robe. We'll turn in early because we have to leave early for our hunting trip tomorrow"

Merlin was suddenly so tired after getting back to Arthur's washroom he didn't even bother to use magic to heat up the water while Arthur was out for five minuets. He slid the robe onto a heating rack so they would be warm when Arthur put them on and went immediately went to bed.

Gaius was amazingly awake and reading through a magic book, a star on the old leather cover had gold on the tips and a red centre.

"Going to bed…goodnight" Merlin yawned and slipped into his room before he could hear Gaius call out to him  
"goodnight, Merlin"

The dream…

"_No please don't, don't hurt me daddy; I will be good" The small boy cried against the brick wall, his small scrawny arms hiding his face like a nest. _

_His voice was edged with the quiet sobbing and laced with apprehension. _

_The tall man, who was indeed the small boys farther, had jet black hair and onyx eyes that held within them inner demons. _

"_Don't hurt me anymore…mummy is getting worried about me; she says I act funny around you" the quivering voice was interrupted by a painful yelp, a red handprint on his cheek that led up to cover his right eye. _

"_Try harder to hide it then…you stupid child, if your mother finds out about this we will both be is deep trouble and you don't want your 'mummy' to get hurt do you?" venom laced his deep voice as he walked up to his son, his large hands clutching to each arm as a restraint. _

_It was ebony in the darkness of midnight and both of the two were still outside surrounded by huge thick trees. _

"_Tonight we are going to do something a bit different…get on all fours"_

_The beating and rape carried on, blood smeared across the small body. _

Waking up in cold sweat Merlin focused on steadying his rapid breathing and quiet sobs, his past was terrible but he wouldn't say anything. It was a lesson to be taught by and if anything the past was a memory, the future a mystery. But the now was a gift…that's why it's the present.

Knowing well that he wouldn't be able to sleep again Merlin decided to go for a bath and possibly a walk to see how Lancelot was holding out.

The bath was rather relaxing, the hot steam cascaded around Merlin's tall body, leaving water droplets down his stomach (which pleased Merlin because he had only just realised that visible muscles were beginning to show)

Even in the heat of the water and room Merlin felt cold…like someone with ice breath was breathing on his back.

Merlin couldn't shake the feeling so he quickly got out and got changed; he wore his usual brown and white outfit with a blue neckerchief that reminded him so much of Arthur's eyes.

"I'm leaving now Gaius, see you later" Merlin mumbled under his breath and let himself out into the baron castle.

With it being 7am Merlin did see a couple of maids and butlers rush around to get the king his morning stuff…whatever he had in the morning.

"Merlin…come on already, I've been awake half an hour" Arthur's gentle whisper caught Merlin off-guard and made him stumble sideward with a passive sigh.

"Sorry, sire…shall we go now?" Merlin asked as if in a trance he watched Arthur nod and followed behind him like a puppy on a chain.

"What **is **wrong with you today, Merlin? We've only been walking three minuets and you haven't talked or been annoying once…is it from yesterday?"

"No. I just need some open air" Merlin lied and for once Arthur believed it, or acted like he did.

Once they were in open air Merlin just felt worse, while he watched Lancelot finished preparing the horses he could help but see his abusive farther within him.

"Well done…now go and do the chores and we'll be seeing you when we get back"

Merlin watched while Arthur settled himself of his horse and followed suit but they didn't set off quite yet.

I'm sorry if my grammar is bad again ^_^ hope you enjoyed

Please comment


	5. Attack

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

"Sorry, sire…shall we go now?" Merlin asked as if in a trance he watched Arthur nod and followed behind him like a puppy on a chain.

"What **is **wrong with you today, Merlin? We've only been walking three minuets and you haven't talked or been annoying once…is it from yesterday?"

"No. I just need some open air" Merlin lied and for once Arthur believed it, or acted like he did.

Once they were in open air Merlin just felt worse, while he watched Lancelot finished preparing the horses he could help but see his abusive farther within him.

"Well done…now go and do the chores and we'll be seeing you when we get back"

Merlin watched while Arthur settled himself of his horse and followed suit but they didn't set off quite yet.

The sky was still a light orange and pink that was left by the sunrise and the distinguishable chirping of the new birds that had been born in the spring, now being the beginning of summer it was perfect weather for a hunt.

They set off slowly, once they got out of Camelot into the wide open fields they allowed their horses to go at full speed, emerald grass hit their shoes and up their calves.

An hour passed until Arthur stopped by the edge of a wood that ran about seven acres maybe more, the dark thick trees obstructing any vision of whatever could be awaiting their arrival.

"Sire…I don't think we should go in there" Merlin said warily as he dismounted his horse.

"We need to have a good hunt Merlin…lets just go in come one" Arthur tugged at the rope to his horse and they walked through further into the trap.

The twigs scraped across their skin leaving pink cuts on their tender skin pushing across their hair so that it ruffled around their faces.

"OI…Mr Prat; the horses are getting scared; I think we should head back" Merlin hissed into the princes' ear which earned him a sideward glance.

"I didn't know you were a horse, Merlin" Arthur replied with a smug grin on his face, pushing his blonde hair out of his eyes.

With a gentle tug, Arthur pulled Marlin closer to his back but kept walking with a gentle pace.

It was a comfortable silence but it was thrown off of balance when Merlin stopped dead in his tracks and mumbled something to get Arthur's attention which luckily it did.

"We've been walking around for over an hour and we have seen nor heard any other signs of life. It's unnaturally quiet so I think we should get on the horses and get the hell out of here" Merlin struggled with his composure; he really didn't want to have to watch Arthur fight against anyone ever again.

Though Merlin knew very well not only that Arthur was a coward and he certainly didn't back out of a challenge so he knew the answer that he is just such a wuss and to get a move on.

He shut up straight away and made it his job to look out for anyone who could kill his master.

"You are very supercilious…you know that?" It felt like de-ja-vu.

"That's a big word Merlin…do you even know what it means?"

"Patronising"

"Well done Merlin, you actually WENT to school"

"Foolish"

"Not quite" Arthur grinned.

"No I am describing you" Merlin grinned contently

"Hey!"

Before they could carry on their bickering some nearby twigs crunched under a weight while leaves rustled around the ground.

"Sire…get down **now**" Merlin hissed quietly.

A whooshing sped past Merlin's ear and he immediately stood at attention.

"We're under attack!" Merlin cried out and looked around for Arthur who was battling with his sword with some hooded figure.

"Gimme that" Merlin grumbled to his horse as he took his sword (one that Arthur gave to him as a pre-caution)

Just as he managed to wrap his hand around the hilt the horse took at lightning speed with concluded with Merlin on his back with his wrist hanging limply underneath his body.

I'm sorry if my grammar is bad again ^_^ hope you enjoyed

Please comment


	6. Death bed for the prince

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

Before they could carry on their bickering some nearby twigs crunched under a weight while leaves rustled around the ground.

"Sire…get down **now**" Merlin hissed quietly.

A whooshing sped past Merlin's ear and he immediately stood at attention.

"We're under attack!" Merlin cried out and looked around for Arthur who was battling with his sword with some hooded figure.

"Gimme that" Merlin grumbled to his horse as he took his sword (one that Arthur gave to him as a pre-caution)

Just as he managed to wrap his hand around the hilt the horse took at lightning speed with concluded with Merlin on his back with his wrist hanging limply underneath his body.

Arthur could only watch helplessly as his poor servant swung his arm helplessly, blocking (rather well) a dangerous swing by an opposing archer who had swung his bow to connect to Merlin's skull but luckily missed by a hairs length.

As Merlin swerved and tore around the treed woodland he hit three knights; killing two of them.

"Arthur head down" Merlin yelled as loudly as he could, throwing his sword at full force, piercing ones shoulder that left him bleeding helplessly on the soil ground.

"I-I'm sorry" Merlin mumbled bowing his head low to Arthur with a look of dismay of his pale skin.

"Merlin…they attacked us; they deserved to die! If we would have died so would Camelot and we can't have that can we?"

Arthur shouted as his voice rose to an uncomfortable hiss.

"No! Your life is as precious to Camelot as the crown is to the king or magic to a sorcerer.

Neither noticed as one of the knights scrambled lazily to his shaking feet, eyes glowing with the lust for blood.

As they argued loudly about who'd life is most valuable Merlin stumbled over his last sentence.

"A-Arthur…It's…I umm" with a shining blade pointed directly on Arthur's armour- less back Merlin's dark eyes widened to twice their size.

"Stop!" He yelled and before he could think about what he was doing he spun them both around, and he breathed in.

Sucking in his last breath as he felt searing numbing pain shoot through his heart, well just below it and he felt the coldness of everything kick against him.

He knew what he had just done…he could have pulled them both away or spun Arthur around so he was shielded from the blade or just killed him on the spot…but he knew Arthur wouldn't appreciate that and this was a alright way to die. For the man he secretly adored.

His dark hair flitted into Arthur's stunned face, letting the scent of deep lavender tickle his nose and fill his head.

Eyes widened Arthur would have sworn that everything went in slow motion, Merlin falling to the floor in a noiseless heap, after five minuets of constant fight he had killed the demon that had plunged his blade into his servant…no; friend.

His heart panged with guilt, watching Merlin's deep ruby blood flow at a dangerously fast pace out of his chest.

It wasn't the first time he has seen blood of course, but as he watched it pool and stain his friends' clothes he felt strangely sick.

"Don't worry Merlin I'm here" He soothed gently, seeing Merlin's eyelids flutter.

He knew he'd have to get something to suppress the wound so, taking a long thick piece of material from his clothes made of deep crimson (luckily for him because he felt as if he was going to pass out)

Tying it tightly over the wound with as much pressure as possible with harming Merlin in any other way Arthur couldn't help but slump by the dying mans side helplessly.

"How are you feeling? I know you are awake" He said sternly but while his voice faltered he covered it up by softly and anything but calmly put the sorcerer onto his horse and made sure he was in front of him.

"Don't die on me Merlin…don't leave me" He whispered, crystal stray tears falling onto the crook of Merlin's neck.

Then the gentle pleading whisper in front of the prince made his horse run at highest speed known…

"I'm sorry Arthur…but that's a promise I cant keep"

I'm sorry if my grammar is bad again ^_^ hope you enjoyed

Please comment


	7. Slowly to death

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

"How are you feeling? I know you are awake" He said sternly but while his voice faltered he covered it up by softly and anything but calmly put the sorcerer onto his horse and made sure he was in front of him.

"Don't die on me Merlin…don't leave me" He whispered, crystal stray tears falling onto the crook of Merlin's neck.

Then the gentle pleading whisper in front of the prince made his horse run at highest speed known…

"I'm sorry Arthur…but that's a promise I can't keep"

It hurt just to say the truthful words that were cast from his drying mouth, his rapid breathing was slowly slowing down towards the rate of no return…no pulse.

"Merlin…keep talking to me!" Arthur ordered, watching dark and heavy pupils glance up to him wearily.

"Sorry, Sire…but It's so cold…I just want to sleep" He breathed heavily, his face contorted in pain but even in pain, he looked gorgeous.

"If you die, Merlin…I will never forgive you! Just wait please, we're almost in Camelot" Arthur never pleaded, he never begged. But this was the one time he would throw everything away.

"Hey…Sire?"

"Just call me Arthur, for now…" He said gently, apprehensiveness made him speak quietly as they bounced atop the horse.

"Arthur…When I die…Promise me you wont harm anyone…unless they murder or treason…please?"

"Sure, Merlin promise me one thing…don't die. If you don't die I'll do as you say"

Thinking that he may have gotten Merlin for once he ran his hand casually through his dark hair, holding his hand out.

"If you…take me to Gaius…H-he'll help me…unless I say to leave me to die…but that would be kind of pointless"

Trying to keep him talking Arthur reminisced for a moment on their near past.

"You remember when you made me save Lancelot from me killing him. Because he almost did _that _to you? Well I actually took him aside at midnight after you had gone to bed and I found out why he did it"

"W-Why?"

"Because…even though being Gay is NOT illegal in fact my fathers' father was gay, he had my dad on a whim with a princess, and after he had my father he became gay.

Lancelot is in fact gay…he likes you Merlin"

The deep poignant tone Arthur used made Merlin want to cry.

"He's a knight…even if I liked him back it wouldn't work"

Arthur drew back so his eyes were level with Merlin's and sighed gently with a gentle smile.

"Your gay?"

Crimson stained Merlin's pale cheeks, the only colour in his face.

"Yeh…I had some…problems with my dad…I wasn't the same around females so I guess I always have been. Please don't make me leave" Merlin pleaded with the little decreasing energy he had.

Arthur could feel his heart shatter, he was on his deathbed and yet he was pleading for him not to be taken away. They were on the boarder of Camelot by this time and yet they both wanted to say so much more to each other.

"You'll not have to leave; in fact don't you DARE leave me, Merlin. Just keep talking to me…we are almost at the palace"

"Why are you deciding to not be a prat now? Just be who you are already just because I got shot by an, ahh….an…arrow…doesn't…mean…you…have…to…be…nice…to…me"

Merlin panted in pain, clutching just above his still bleeding wound.

"I'm not…a prat. I don't want you to get wound up and die. As clumsy as you are Merlin you are the best manservant I have ever had so deal with it"

"Sire! What happened?" Taking an immediate glance to Merlin the knight's eyes widened in fear.

"Get him to the castle…I'll call the guards to be sure you get there in record time" He ran off, kicking dirt up into the air before it slowly landed back on the ground.

It was quiet…almost soundless. But all Arthur could care about was the man in front of him, slowly falling into the abyss of death.

I'm sorry if my grammar is bad again ^_^ hope you enjoyed

Please comment


	8. The almost confession

1Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

Merlin panted in pain, clutching just above his still bleeding wound.

"I'm not…a prat. I don't want you to get wound up and die. As clumsy as you are Merlin you are the best manservant I have ever had so deal with it"

"Sire! What happened?" Taking an immediate glance to Merlin the knight's eyes widened in fear.

"Get him to the castle…I'll call the guards to be sure you get there in record time" He ran off, kicking dirt up into the air before it slowly landed back on the ground.

It was quiet…almost soundless. But all Arthur could care about was the man in front of him, slowly falling into the abyss of death.

It wasn't long until they had reached the castle, the tall walls now seeming like a terrible place to die.

_I wont leave your side…the first thing you'll see __**when **__you wake up is going to be me. _

The prince could not place his hand on what he was feeling, an almost needy feeling that heated his body and made his veins pump.

"Get me Gaius immediately!" He barked, hopping off of his horse, ignoring the hands that were offered to get him down.

_And here I thought you were the smart one…not a scratch on my body yet you're on the verge of dying. I know I tell you…to do your job and respect me but…I need you. If you die I don't know what I'd do, Merlin. _

His mind seemed to be complaining from the overtime…Merlin usually thought of most things **for **him.

Looking closely, Arthur could see the vague breathing and fluttering of the smaller males' eyes.

"Merlin…Merlin, if you can hear me I want you to show me you can understand me in any way" He pleaded quietly, picking said male up bridal style.

Merlin was indeed more feminine then Arthur, when…no, if he had a gay relationship with Arthur he would defiantly be seme, he was feminine and small.

He held in a painful breath as the small pale hand of his best friend reach up all so slowly and gripped hold of his shirt, by the looks of it, with all of the strength he had left.

"Thank you, listen…when you recover, I promise to listen to you. You saved my life…again"

"It hurts…but I think" He coughed painfully hard, crimson liquid running his bottom lip before nestling into his collar bone.

"If I can't do one noble thing then…I am not a very good…friend" He choked out, gasping for air and pushing his head into Arthur's body.

"W-Wait, Arthur…don't" He cried out, pushing away and attempting to move out of the grasp that just tightened around his hip and waist.

"People will think badly of you! Stop it…gah" He choked again, finally coughing up a bit too much blood for comfort.

Arthur had to fight the urge to cut himself open and feel his blood into Merlin's body.

"No-one will; I'm the prince and may do as I wish. Helping my friend is one thing they'd be pleased about.

Merlin just rested back again but this time fought the cold sleep.

He needed to stay with Arthur…as sickening…as unnatural as it was.

He **loved** the royal prat, he **needed **him, and the sad thing was; he knew he couldn't have him.

"Arthur…if you became gay…would you be with a noble or someone close to you?"

Merlin whispered gently, wiping his blood stained hands onto his trousers that were close to falling down.

Arthur didn't even have to think about it as he answered delicately.

"A friend…is a noble in my eyes. So I choose a friend"

Merlin though but when he realised it hurt he stopped.

"Do you still love, Gwen?" Merlin mumbled even though he didn't want to hear the answer.

With a cocky smirk Arthur allowed realisation, he so loved him. Maybe Arthur loved him back. Only one way to find out wasn't there?

"No…it was a choice only my mind made. But love isn't just a state of mind, Merlin; it is a state of heart. When you feel a connection between the two, you love them. Have you even felt that way? I know I have…and I am right at this moment" He hinted cautiously, once he'd heard what he had said he smiled softly. He was in love with the blubbering idiot.

"Yes…I have, and I still am. With me though being gay and him being straight it will never work, and he's a noble"

"MERLIN!" Arthur cried once, Merlin was now limp against his body, he was just about to confess and he had stopped breathing. Damn it.

He ran full speed ignoring everyone who asked if he was something, he needed to get to the old man that could help them (AN: Nice thing to say about the man who's going to help you Arty)

He burst into the door with a single quick knock. Gaius was stood at the side, a bed awaiting Merlin and the book of spells in his palm in plain view!

I'm sorry if my grammar is bad again ^_^ hope you enjoyed

Please comment


	9. Less then 1 percent chance

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

He was in love with the blubbering idiot.

"Yes…I have, and I still am. With me though being gay and him being straight it will never work, and he's a noble"

"MERLIN!" Arthur cried once, Merlin was now limp against his body, he was just about to confess and he had stopped breathing. Damn it.

He ran full speed ignoring everyone who asked if he was something, he needed to get to the old man that could help them (AN: Nice thing to say about the man who's going to help you Arty)

He burst into the door with a single quick knock. Gaius was stood at the side, a bed awaiting Merlin and the book of spells in his palm in plain view!

"Care to explain to me what you're doing with a sorcerers spell book? And while your at it, save Merlin…I need SOMEONE to do my work for me" He sighed nonchalantly lying towards the elder, he **needed **Merlin; he **wanted **him.

Of course the narcissistic prince would never admit it.

He watched intently as the older sorcerer rushed around swiftly to find things to help Merlin, who lay slightly breathing on the bed beside Arthur.

"Sire…I know how you feel for him. I can see it in your eyes…and tears" The elder whispered softly pressing a damp cloth onto the wound, which looked awfully painful to Arthur. He couldn't help watch a stray water droplet follow a path down his torso and pooling onto the top of his hip.

To Arthur's' confusion his lips felt dry which he placed on worry but he knew he had to confront someone about his need for his manservant and he knew he could trust Gaius; he owed a lot to the both of them.

"I…I do love him. But I don't want him to get hurt. My farther says, he wont love me even less if I am gay it just means we'll have to compromise. I just don't want to risk the friendship we took so long on to disappear over selfish feelings. I'm used to getting what I want, I admit, In public or around my men I can be a cold hearted cocky prat…but even I know, love isn't only a state of mind; it's a state of heart. I need to see how he feels for me first" Arthur already felt like new after saving just what was on his mind. Arthur hated to see blood, more so because it was Merlin's.

"Will he live, will he be alright?" Arthur struggled to keep his cool as he watched the male he had fell in love with struggle to grasp hold of life.

Gaius seemed to debate with himself for his answer, sighing gently he looked over to the prince, a single tear running down his wrinkled cheek and settle on his top lip.

"Sire…there" He couldn't bring himself to tell his prince the news but he had to.

Arthur quickly picked up his thoughts, he felt something twist his heart like a fierce hand tugging and twisting it until it bled and ached from the careless pain.

"Sire…there is only a 1% chance he'll survive. Not even that…we'll give him three days. I hate to admit it…but he's as bad a gone at the moment. Do you require anything, sire?" Gaius was close to sobbing, as was Arthur and he nodded weakly.

"A drink of water… please. And please confirm to everyone I won't be attending anything for the next week due to a very unpleasant and urgent matter that must be upheld with all my respect" Arthur felt ever ounce of his being rip into shreds and flutter away with the gentle draft from the small window to his left.

The older warlock bowed and walked away, as if in a trance. Arthur sat to Merlin's left on the bed and caressed his pale; almost chalk white cheek. It was cold to the touch, like Arthur was putting his hand on metal that had been left out in a blizzard for several days yet not as cold as ice. It was a good sign, it meant, Merlin was still clinging to life, with the thread that could snap or be cut at any second.

Being the careful and elegant male he was, Arthur softly wrapped his right arm over Merlin's waist as he looked at his soft face that contorted in mild pain.

Said prince shuffled closer as to feel the soft fleeting breath of the smaller which earned a thankful sigh.

"Don't go Merlin, we…I can't do anything without you; you know that. When you first came here you called me a prat. And you were right as always, and then you gave me that cheeky smile when you bowed. I fell in love with your straight away you know? I tried to hide it with trying to force myself to fall for Gwen but she found out I loved a male and said "We can still be friends, and whoever has your heart is really lucky" I wonder what she'd say if she found out the guy who took my heart is you" Arthur knew, Merlin was a great listener to his problems so he just couldn't help confronting him as he slept.

"I'll wait for you, so you had better wake up soon" He allowed free tears to stain his younger manservant's' shirt as a reminder of what was happening.

He hated death…even more when its so close to it.

Please comment


	10. Almost, Maybe, Never

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

"Don't go Merlin, we…I can't do anything without you; you know that. When you first came here you called me a prat. And you were right as always, and then you gave me that cheeky smile when you bowed. I fell in love with your straight away you know? I tried to hide it with trying to force myself to fall for Gwen but she found out I loved a male and said "We can still be friends, and whoever has your heart is really lucky" I wonder what she'd say if she found out the guy who took my heart is you" Arthur knew, Merlin was a great listener to his problems so he just couldn't help confronting him as he slept.

"I'll wait for you, so you had better wake up soon" He allowed free tears to stain his younger manservant's' shirt as a reminder of what was happening.

He hated death…even more when it's so close to it.

He kept a close eye on everything that happened in the room, from the low groan of the bed to the gentle rhythmic tapping of water droplets flowing out of the bath.

But from everything in the room, only Merlin took his gaze for more then a minuet. He was tired after riding all the way to Camelot in such a haze but he wouldn't fall asleep until Merlin was alive and well.

"Merlin…do you love me back?" Arthur felt the sting of tears caress the lids of his eyes.

He may never know the answer to that.

"Sire…you need to rest. If you keep winding yourself up you may end up in the same state as Merlin" Gaius stated softly, his voice filled with empathy.

"No I won't…" Arthur took a long moment as he looked up at Gaius with eyes running carelessly with tears.

"Because I won't have a physical wound of a sword. And if Merlin dies…I wont have anyone to miss me" he wanted to shout at himself. He wanted to kill everyone from the tribe of men that had put Merlin into this terrifying state.

"Sire…he will...I mean. I'll do everything in my power to save him. But you of all people need to relax and just think of all the good things that will happen when he lives" Gaius felt terrible…a betrayer; giving his Prince false security.

It was already getting late as the first day without Merlin came to a close.

Arthur sat down by his side with sad elegance (meaning he was sad so even as he moved it was clear he was distressed)

"Gaius…is Merlin a warlock as well?" He asked softly, feeling tears prickle against his eyes again.

He heard the deep scraping of a stools' leg drag against the floor as said elder nodded meekly and sat down.

It was a comfortable and understanding silence the two males (and a close-to-death, Merlin) sat in as they thought about the days to come.

Darkness had long since engulfed the serene, enhancing yet disturbing daylight and the beautiful prince just sat as if numb.

It hurt, more then he could comprehend, he had seen so many people; servants and locals die. Blood staining his sight and on some occasions, his hands; but this was different.

It was Merlin, HIS Merlin; his blood that now stained his once pure navy shirt. His pain filled, petrified eyes that bore its image in his mind. Everything about that moment just wouldn't let poor Arthur out of its grasp.

As Gaius slept, sweat trickling down his furrowed brow; Arthur stayed awake to keep an eye on Merlin though he knew to his distain that Merlin would not wake up that night…..

The morning arose and even Arthur could say that he was far from sleep. The hope that rushed through his veins told him sleep was not an option.

A paused crossed Arthur's mind as he thought he saw Merlin stir, seeing it as a trick; a hopeful trick of his mind he settled back down.

Please comment


	11. His life is over, is it?

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

All sayings and poems in this chapter are all mine, copyright to me. I work hard on them so please do not use them.

The morning arose and even Arthur could say that he was far from sleep. The hope that rushed through his veins told him sleep was not an option.

A paused crossed Arthur's mind as he thought he saw Merlin stir, seeing it as a trick; a hopeful trick of his mind he settled back down.

Six long, lifeless days passed and Arthur still refused sleep. Gaius was doing everything in his power to save the younger warlock as he had promised but it seemed almost hopeless.

Arthur hadn't talked since the first day without Merlin, he had cried every night once Gaius had gone to bed and he refused to talk to anyone but Gaius and Merlin.

Even Arthur had to admit, the nights seemed so much longer and the days seemed even longer! He would only eat an apple a day which was forced into him by Gaius who had secretly been keeping Gwen and Morgana up to date and was ordered to make Arthur eat (even if it was only a tiny bit)

Arthur felt nothing like a prince, he felt weak and unneeded without his wonderful elf-eared servant.

He settled down (sheepishly I may add) next to the still unconscious Merlin and began to scroll on a piece of parchment.

_The tears that show emotion, _

_Are the tears that no-one sees,_

_It's like a fear of dwelling, _

_And stumbling on our deeds. _

_Our hearts they never open,_

_Like a lock without a key, _

_Then someone walks into your life, _

_And picks it by the seams. _

_But then they walk away, _

_With everything you have got, _

_So you're left with only an empty shell, _

_Your something that your not. _

He sighed softly as he re-read the poem and thought again.

_( _This one was given to me by my boyfriend, copyright to him)

_Life knows no distance, _

_Love knows no bounds, _

_My heart now knows existence, _

_But for you my wedding bells sound. _

The older sorcerer was sitting next to Arthur, shifting sheepishly from foot to foot. His eyes bore into the deep blue of the Prince.

"I'm sorry sire…It's been a week. It's time to give up" Gaius had already been crying, which was evident on his red blotchy cheeks.

His eyes were puffy and red and bloodshot.

The Princes' eyes widened in fear and realisation as he looked up to the serious face of the other.

"N…no. NO! Give him time! PLEASE! Gaius PLEASE!" Arthur pleaded, ignoring how childish he seemed to beg.

"Sorry, Sire. I shall give you ten minutes then I will be back to take him away. I'm sorry" He walked away, choking back his own sobs as Arthur sat mortified to his chair.

The prince felt a part of him die, a very important part of his heart that told him he could never be the same without Merlin.

Falling forward from his place on his chair so he was knelt on the floor by Merlin's bed he allowed himself to sob.

Hard and loud he cried out for Merlin, hoping to someone to allow him to live.

"I will NEVER tell anyone about your magic. I will treat you better. I will love you forever. Just DON'T LEAVE ME, MERLIN" He cried pulling himself up so he could put his arms around said warlocks' waist.

"Only my heart is for you, I need you. I will do anything for you" He cried even harder, acknowledging that he only had six minutes to have with Merlin.

"Damn it!" He cussed, heart breaking as tears free flowed onto the silk covers in which Merlin's body was nestled.

He needed to get his feeling out.

"I love you…I need you…I love you so much, Merlin" He cried shaking uncontrollably into the body of the other.

Please comment


	12. A kiss

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

The prince felt a part of him die, a very important part of his heart that told him he could never be the same without Merlin.

Falling forward from his place on his chair so he was knelt on the floor by Merlin's bed he allowed himself to sob.

Hard and loud he cried out for Merlin, hoping to someone to allow him to live.

"I will NEVER tell anyone about your magic. I will treat you better. I will love you forever. Just DON'T LEAVE ME, MERLIN" He cried pulling himself up so he could put his arms around said warlocks' waist.

"Only my heart is for you, I need you. I will do anything for you" He cried even harder, acknowledging that he only had six minutes to have with Merlin.

"Damn it!" He cussed, heart breaking as tears free flowed onto the silk covers in which Merlin's body was nestled.

He needed to get his feeling out.

"I love you…I need you…I love you so much, Merlin" He cried shaking uncontrollably into the body of the other.

Arthur couldn't believe it; his Merlin was gone from him.

Had given up on life and left him to fend for himself. Arthur, who had to find a new manservant, thought he knew Merlin could not be replaced. Even if he was clumsy.

"I…I'm sorry" It was quiet and Arthur thought he had just imagined the soft, throaty and pain-filled voice apologise to him.

"I…I'm so sorry Sire" Tears? On Arthur's shirt!

He snapped his head down to see what he had so hoped for, tears of his own sliding down his face in a huge puddle as he felt relief wash his body.

"Merlin? Thank the God's Merlin" He sobbed holding tightly around Merlin's slightly moving body.

"GAIUS! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE NOT TAKING HIM!" He cried out in thanks to anyone, whatever force had let him keep his Merlin by his side.

But then something held his happiness down, like a weight holding him underwater.

"Why are you sorry?" He soothed him softly, giving Merlin a drink of water before settling back. Holding Merlin in his lap he nuzzled his neck in affection.

"I…I was going to tell you about my magic. But I was so scared" Merlin held his stomach close to the wound where pain coursed his veins and body.

Arthur did understand, with his father's views on magic and sorcery he was bound to not tell it him.

He smiled gently, one that made Merlin cry in relief as he hugged his body close to Arthur.

"I will take Gaius and your secret to my grave. You have my word" In the settling light of the room he could faintly see Merlin with his head buried in his chest shaking with silent sobs and Arthur could finally see why he had fell in love with the man.

He was beautiful no matter in what situation and he was so sweet, smart and loving.

Gaius walked in with huge strides and the moment he saw Merlin he allowed the many tears to flow down his cheeks.

"How are you feeling Merlin? Are you sore?" Typical Gaius to worry as soon as he sees Merlin.

"I'm fine, sorry for worrying you both" He flashed a goofy grin that soon turned into a solemn smile.

"Sire…as much as I can relate to your feelings…you should date a noble or knight"

"Call me Arthur…as for that matter. I don't care for title; I could easily just knight you. I do love you" he faltered, he blushed yet Merlin smiled and reached up and kisses the corner of Arthur's mouth.

"I love you too…Arthur" Merlin knew he had said that seductively, he couldn't help it.

Gaius had walked out after realising the direction in which this conversation was going.

A large gentle hand wrapped itself into Merlin's dark hair as it tugged his forward. He couldn't blink before soft lips caressed his own in a soft reassuring kiss.

Merlin's eyes flitted closed as he leaned in softly but pulled back to hold back a crimson blush.

"This…" Arthur stated slightly breathlessly.

"This I can get used to" He grinned before holding his newly found love in his strong arms.

Please comment


	13. The Knighting

Hello everyone…umm this is my first Merlin fan fiction so I don't know how it's going to turn out. I'm sure it will be rather good anyway so please bear with me.

Please comment and constructive criticism is welcome. I don't own anything besides the plot.

Gaius had walked out after realising the direction in which this conversation was going.

A large gentle hand wrapped itself into Merlin's dark hair as it tugged his forward. He couldn't blink before soft lips caressed his own in a soft reassuring kiss.

Merlin's eyes flitted closed as he leaned in softly but pulled back to hold back a crimson blush.

"This…" Arthur stated slightly breathlessly.

"This I can get used to" He grinned before holding his newly found love in his strong arms.

It was a strong hold, gentle and loving as they caressed each other happy to be able to touch each other again.

"The King won't let you knight me. He hates me" Merlin stated as he lay between Arthur's legs. Kissing softly at the visible skin under the shirt he wore.

"No, after I told my father what you had done he told me. He HIMSELF will knight you once you get to strength" Arthur stated contently though clearly too tired to do anything more then be happy to be with Merlin again.

"You have to produce an heir" Merlin commented again.

"Morgana…she said as long as I'll be happy she'll be more then willing to have our child for us if you want to. So we can have a child of royal blood"

Merlin was about to speak again but Arthur continued.

"The kingdom is fine with a gay king; my father's father was gay. You are loyal and kind. Smart gentle and loving. You will make a fine Queen to be put beside me" He smiled gently chuckling as Merlin blushed crimson.

"You make a perfect King. Your royal pratness" Merlin grinned tucking a strand of blonde hair behind Arthur's ear.

"Mm…You love me really" He chimed.

"Yeh…well. Goodnight. Arthur" He smiled as he shuffled as close as he dared to get draping an arm around Arthur's waist, the other tucked under his head.

They both fell asleep, having amazing dreams as they were in each others arms.

The next morning they awoke in even better moods as they woke up in each others arms, holding tightly as to not let the other get away.

"Time to go get a certain someone knighted" Arthur smiled softly against the soft brown hair of his boyfriend.

Said male looked up with a goofy grin.

"Who could that be? I wonder…"

"My dearest love" Arthur stated pleasantly.

They bathed first, Merlin going in first with Arthur talking to him and reassuring him as he always did. Then after Merlin got changed into some of Arthur's clothes being that of a red shirt, dark trousers and sad to say that Arthur made sure he didn't wear a neckerchief. Though in secret he stuffed it into his shirt.

They walked together; Merlin seemed much more content as he looked almost like a true knight though he seemed more elegant.

"I'm worried, are you sure we should tell the King as soon as I get knighted?" Merlin worried at his bottom lip. Arthur couldn't resist as he pulled him aside and attacked his lips. He sucked softly at the bottom one, licking and nibbling.

"Of course" He grinned softly as they pulled away, sorting each others clothes and hair out.

Even as they walked a happy light followed them.

"Hey Merlin…" Arthur had stopped outside of the hall to Uther's main room.

"Can we call out child, Gaius?" He smiled softly knowing how much Gaius had done for them.

"Sure…what if it is a girl…can we call her Morgana"

"I would have it no other way. But we'll have to discuss this later. Try to be at least decent" He teased opening the door for them they walked in and bowed.

"Merlin…Thank you for saving my son" Uther greeted contently motioning for Arthur to stand by his side and Merlin to stand in front of him.

They did as they were told (well motioned to do) and Merlin bowed with hesitation seeing the love in Arthur's eyes.

"I now knight you, Merlin…Knight and protector of Prince Arthur" Merlin could have jumped with joy for his title had his lovers name in it.

"Father I have an announcement. And I thank you for knighting him such a noble title" Arthur smiled softly at his father.

"I love Merlin and we are dating. I want to know if we have your consent" Arthur gulped looking worried as he wrapped an arm protectively around Merlin's waist.

"Of course, I was wondering how long it would take you to notice. I heard all of your plans from Morgana. I am pleased to hear such a wise decision. You have my utmost faith" Arthur hugged his Father, which was new and rare but he needed it and looked towards Merlin. Kissing him softly for a short moment.

Merlin blushed, as he bravely stepped forward turning to look Arthur in the eyes.

"I'll die for you, just let me love you"

Please comment


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